December 2011
158 posts
TW: Do you ever wish you had a dick so you could fuck the shit out of some girl?
Me: ...have you ever Q-Tipped your ear?
TW: Yes...
Me: Doesn't it feel awesome?
TW: Yes...
Me: Yeah. I would rather be the ear.
Me: You should roll up the carpet.
Max: My mom says beer cleans carpets.
Me: There's proof that the world's NOT gonna end in 2012.
Max: Yeah! There is a God!
Watchthis is the best thing i’ve ever seen or heard. ever. i want her as my friend.
fckyeahhiphoplyrics — greatest freestyle rap of all time
“Oh, I rearranged all your stuff upstairs, Em, so you won’t be able to find...”
– Mom
“He who delights in solitude is either a wild beast or a god.”
– Francis Bacon (via reesh)
I don't wonder where I get it from.
Mom (reading Nyquil bottle): You're not pregnant, are you?
Me: No. I'm celibate.
Mom: Ha. You said you're celebrating?
“What would happen, for instance, if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate...”
– Gloria Steinem (via my-butt-though)
1 tag
Char: I can't believe Alex H. smokes weed now. She used the prissiest of the priss, then she went to college and started smoking weed.
Me: That's what usually happens, except we started smoking weed, then went to college.
“If I were a cat I would dive bomb people all the time.”
– Charlotte
1 tag
Char: I haven't been to any weddings, only funerals.
Me: That's because you're from Vermont.
Char: What the fuck does that mean?
Me: People only get pregnant and die here, they don't bother to get married in between.
“You were once wild. Don’t let them tame you.”
– Isadora Duncan (via reesh)
“If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on...”
– Lao Tzu (via spareunderthemat)
“I am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who is not afraid of my...”
– Friedrich Nietzsche (via ahypnotistcollector)
